i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
