I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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