Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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