this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
