Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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