what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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