This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He has the fingertips of a God
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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