You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
