I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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