Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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