??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
