I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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