Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
