I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
