i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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