I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have aggressive nipples.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
