I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
