Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
