We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
