Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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