I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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