Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
