3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
