I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
