I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
