1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
