who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
