life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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