My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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