We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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