She is in my trunk
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize