So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
