What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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