dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize