is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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