Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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