You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She needs sedatives and a leash
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
