I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
