i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
