Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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