Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want nice things and good sex
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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