walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
