So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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