Acid is not a monday night drug
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
