By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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