I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
