So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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