You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
