he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize