I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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