somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
