'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
