He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
