This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
