On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
