Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
