i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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