Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
