Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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