yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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