But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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