i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
