I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
