theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
